If you live long enough you will experience conflict. The chance that everyone will like us or get along with us is very minimal. Inevitably we will disagree with someone. When this happens, handling the conflict with a level head avoids stress and keeps the chance of the conflict escalating less likely.
Handling conflict does not have to be confrontational in the classic sense. When someone mentions an altercation we think of the showdown at the OK Corral. Coming into the meeting ready to fight is not the best way to handle a conflict.
Conflicts can occur at any time. You could be in a grocery store and the cashier may act rude as they ring up your groceries. We’ve all had that happen at least once, right? The first reaction is to slam the money on the counter or to snap back at them. In that instant we have taken their problems as our own and created a stressful situation that changes the tone of the rest of our day.
Here are five tips for handling conflict. They work for coworkers, family members, friends, and even strangers. You never know when the proper response to a conflict could save your life or someone else’s.
1. Think about the situation. We are quick to respond when someone says what we don’t like. Take the time to breathe before responding. In that breath replay the words spoken.
2. Make the hard decision. In many cases, the conflict that arises is not the first of its kind. Harsh or offensive words or deeds could be a recurring theme in the relationship.
Decide if this affiliation is worth saving or if it is time to cut the person loose. Leaving the association could result in a lost friendship, a divorce, or changing jobs. Sometimes, for our own sake, these things are better in the long run than staying in a bad relationship.
3. Wait a day. Don’t respond right then. Give yourself time to talk over the situation with a trusted friend. Maybe you overreacted.
Sometimes, a third party can see something that you missed in the heat of your anger. In these cases, apologize where necessary. If the consensus is that you were wronged, then bring the matter to the attention of the other person with a level head not a hot one.
4. Find a solution. A common conflict, especially among spouses could result from wanting to make a purchase that there isn’t enough money for. Instead of brooding, come up with favorable solutions that could get you what you want or need. Get a second job to earn the money.
5. Apologize if you were in the wrong. Just because something is true doesn’t mean that it has to be said.
Telling someone that they are wearing a dress that is too small for them is not a positive way to help them lose weight. Understand how it could be offensive to them and apologize.
Better yet, stop and think before you respond in situations such as these. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes before hand. Part of resolving conflicts is realizing our role in it.
Facing confrontational situations is not easy. But, it is not inevitable and sometimes it has to be done. Learning conflict resolution techniques can alleviate the stress of these situations.
Gregg Zban is a General Manager with Coca-Cola Enterprises and has created a website dedicated to better time management in business, with family, at school and more.
Are you a bomb ready to explode? Learn how to deal with anger…
Anger is a natural emotion that is part of every person’s life. For most people anger only plays a very small part of their lives and does not cause any trouble, but there are times for other people when anger can consume their lives and tends to cause great deals of strife.
A person who has problems with anger issues tends to become mistrustful to the people they know, they become rigid towards others and they are often filled with rage.People who deal with anger issues tend to push people away in their lives.
Anger is a common emotion that can be difficult to deal with, but the good thing is that with a little work, it can be dealt with.Being that many people do not think about anger as a potential issue, it is not something that we are taught how to cope with.Unfortunately, it isn’t until a problem arises that people will feel the need to learn how to deal with their anger.There are many misconceptions when it comes to anger, one being that if we share our anger we might lose all self control or that nice people do not get angry but mean people will.
There are some very simple strategies to dealing with ones anger; the most common one is taking a time out.Taking a time out simply means removing yourself from the situation that is making you angry. When you are able to walk away and collect yourself you can then deal with the situation in a calmer manner.When separating yourself from the situation do something that will consume your time.Examples of things you can do are taking walks, running, exercising, and weight lifting. When you do something that tires you physically, it tends to calm you mentally.
Another strategy to dealing with your anger is by owning up to your aggression and anger.Even though you may feel that a situation or person is causing you to become angry, that anger still belongs to you - and simply addressing it can sometimes help alleviate the problem.
While there are many ways to try and deal with your anger, the top two strategies are the two best strategies that people with anger problems find that work the best when dealing with anger.Look back on the issues that make you angry and try to find ways to make changes to either keep yourself away from these situations or people. Sometimes looking deep at a problem and learning the cause of what makes you angry is helpful in the fact that if you can find the source of the problem you can work on making changes.
Controlling anger is easier said than done, right? Especially if you’re not accustomed to responding in any other way. Here’s a small collection of clips that will help to get you on the right track for getting in control of your anger - so it doesn’t control you.
Clip #1 - Controlling Anger By Eliminating It
Clip #2 - Controlling Anger With Emotional Freedom Technique (Emotional Freedom Technique is a simple acupressure technique for releasing negative feelings.)
Clip #3 - Anger, rage, domestic violence go hand in hand and cause enormous amounts of sorrow, heartbreak, and regret. Catholic priest offers a few practical ways of controlling and overcoming angry outburst…
Who says anger management has to be serious? Sometimes we just need to lighten up, and have some fun. Here’s a “how to deal with anger” video you might get a chuckle out of. The last scene is hilarious…
Anger is one of those emotions that can be destructive and lead to various problems if it goes unnoticed. Recognizing anger, is a key factor in determining what to do when it rears its ugly head. Here are the 12 types of anger to look out for, in order to start controlling your anger.
Behavioral Anger - This type of anger usually describes someone who is aggressive towards whatever triggered their anger… this can be another person. This can be someone who always seems to act out, or is troublesome. Sometimes the outcome is physical abuse or attacks against others.
Passive Anger - People who use sarcasm or mockery as a way to hide their feelings, typically express this form of anger. They tend to avoid confrontations with people or situations.
Verbal Anger - Anger that’s expressed mostly through words and not actions. Verbal abuse is used to criticize and insult people (put them down) and complain.
Constructive Anger - This type of anger is a key factor in driving people to want to join movements and groups. It’s the feeling of being fed up with how things are going, and the need to make a positive change.
Self-inflicted Anger - Anger that translates in causing harm to one’s own body. People who use this type of anger are acting out by punishing themselves for something they’ve done wrong. Some examples include starvation, cutting, and overeating.
Volatile Anger - This form of anger occurs in varying degrees… it comes and goes. It can just appear out of nowhere, or build into something bigger. It can either explode or go unnoticed. It could even be expressed verbally or physically.
Chronic Anger - Ever come across someone that’s seemingly angry for no reason, or mad all the time? More than likely, they were exhibiting this type of anger. People with chronic anger are just mad in general.
Judgmental Anger - Putting other people down and making them feel bad about themselves, or abilities, is a form of judgmental anger. This person expresses their feelings by making those around them feel worthless.
Overwhelmed Anger - This person relieves stress by shouting, and flying off the handle, when they can’t take situations and things that are happening around them, anymore. When things are just too overwhelming… which is why it’s called ‘overwhelmed anger’.
Retaliatory Anger - This is probably one of the most common, of the bunch. Retaliatory anger usually occurs as a direct response to someone else lashing out at you… has that happened to you once or twice ?
Paranoid Anger - This anger comes about when someone feels jealousy towards others, because they feel other people have or want to take what’s rightfully theirs. Or they may act out because they feel intimidated by others.
Deliberate Anger - Using anger to gain power over a situation or person. A person expressing this form of anger may not start out angry, but will get angry when something does not turn out the way they wanted. Or, someone doesn’t see eye to eye with something they planned.
These are the most common types of anger. Now, just figure out what type your anger is, then take steps to control it, before it controls you.
It goes without saying that having an angry kid is not a good thing. More and more children are dealing with anger issues that are making it hard for them to live a normal and productive life. It is important that any child that goes around angry all of the time, should find the help that is needed for them. With that said, children and anger management can go hand in hand.
You’ve probably heard that anger is a normal emotion. However, as with adults, it can be a a real issue for some children that hold on to it, and for the wrong reasons. If left unattended, child anger is something that can lead to further problems down the road. Determining the source of the child’s anger is one way to begin the process of anger management for children.
In order to find a way to take on the problem of anger management for your child, there are a couple of different approaches to consider. You can either examine the situation yourself or you can seek the help from a professional that may be needed to get them on the right track. In some cases it could be easier for you to handle the problem, but if there’s no progress or your child’s angry outbursts get worse, you may need to seek the attention of someone who is qualified to deal with this type of situation.
If you decide to help your child yourself, there are a few things that you can do. When your child begins acting out, you will first want to establish and take a time out. You want both your child and you to take roughly, a ten second break. It is important that while counting to ten, you are taking in a deep breath, and letting out the anger and frustration with every exhalation… and teach your child to do the same. This will help to calm both of you down and get the situation under control.
Take a break if the anger is too much to handle. Call a time out and you and your child can take a break from the anger management process. Anger management for a child may take some time to get a good idea of exactly how you want to handle the situation.
A key factor to keep in mind while performing any form of anger management with kids is to make sure they feel safe. When your child is feeling secure and safe, they may be able to handle their anger a little better. By creating a safe haven for them, so to speak, you can have your child let out their anger in way that is appropriate. Let them take a walk, punch a punching bag, or scream into a pillow. Whatever makes them more relaxed and calm is going to be the best way to help them feel better.
By supporting your child, you are helping them with the anger they are feeling. Do not expect changes overnight, when you are dealing with children and anger management. You may have to spend a lot of time with the child but eventually the problem will get smaller and smaller. Most importantly, do not give up and make sure to use all of the resources that you have access to. Eventually, with hard work and determination, you will have a happy and healthy child.
To learn more anger management techniques that can be used for children go here.
If you find yourself getting angry at everything, no matter how big or small the situation is, then it may be time for you to start using an anger management strategy, before things get out of control.
Anger management strategy #1 – Get out of dodge
The first anger management exercise you can do, is change your environment. Just getting away for a moment or two, can help to reduce the amount of anger you have. If you’re standing in a tub of hot boiling lava (ok, stay with me here) and you’re tired of getting burned, wouldn’t you just step out of the lava onto the nice soft grass?
When you stepped on the grass, do you think you would still be focused on standing in the hot lava? No, your focus would shift to enjoying the cool sensation of the wet grass surrounding your feet.
Of course that was an extreme example… hopefully you won’t be standing in a pool of hot lava, but you get the point, right? Anger would probably be the least of your concerns, if lava is surrounding you, but we’ll leave that for another article.
When you find yourself in a situation that makes your temper boil, excuse yourself, and step away.
There will be times when you’re not able to just walk away from whatever is bringing on your anger. And in those times, you’d want to find another healthy way to discharge your anger.
Anger management strategy #2 -Don’t worry, be happy
Picture this… so you’re driving to work, and out of nowhere a car swerves and cuts you off. You’re feeling the anger building up as you read this aren’t you?
Now, getting out of your moving vehicle, is definitely not suggested here… for obvious reasons. So, what can you do to prevent your anger from escalating into a dangerous situation?
Although you can’t change your environment in this situation, you CAN change your mood.
Did you know that you can change your mood just by thinking of something that makes you happy? Switch on your favorite song and sing along. Roll the windows down if you’re afraid that you might crack the glass on the high notes, and just sing. Singing along in your head would be recommended if you don’t have a radio around.
The point is, if you’re in a situation that you are unable to walk away from, apply another anger management plan of action to get your mind off the situation that triggered your anger.
Taking deep breathes (focusing your thoughts on your breathing), thinking about a hilarious joke you heard the other day, are other anger management techniques you could use to get rid of anger when you can’t walk away.
You might find that discussing what made you angry, with a confidante helpful, as well. The keyword being to discuss, not argue or yell about the situation… that would defeat the purpose.
Anger management strategy #3 – Jot it down
To head off any potential outbursts, you could learn how to recognize when an outburst could be triggered, before it happens.
In order to do this effectively, you should keep track of when you get angry, and what triggered it. At the end of each day, think about when you were angry and what happened to get you hot and bothered in the first place. Then write down the event that triggered it.
Be careful, not to get angry again, just focus on what made you angry in the first place and jot it down. The purpose of this exercise is to find out what triggers your angry outbursts, so you can take appropriate steps to prevent your anger from flaring up in the first place.
A good anger management strategy is one that works best for you. Use the steps above to come up with your own strategies, to manage your anger. If you find it difficult to come up with a strategy that works for you, then seeking the help of a professional counselor, through a group or workshop setting, may be appropriate for you.
Are you one of the many people who walk around with a short circuit, snapping at everyone or anything that doesn’t go your way? Is it happening more and more often? If so, anger management may be something that you might want to look into.
I’m sure you’ve heard it all before, anger is a natural emotion that everyone has. If it’s so natural, why is it so unpredictable? The fact is, yes it is an emotion that is natural, but it’s also very powerful. It can be used to hurt other people, or yourself.
It can cause problems at work, at home, or even in the car. Not to mention, it could lead to serious health problems, from the result of violent acts or prolonged high blood pressure.
But, why is it that some people seem to go on a war path when something doesn’t go their way? It is times like that when anger becomes scary and uncontrollable. It’s that unpredictability that makes it so dangerous.
Time for anger management class…
If you’ve ever been in a situation when you’ve been upset and you felt a rush of adrenaline start to flow. Your heart beat faster, and you’re so angry that you’re not even thinking straight… if this is something that happens to you often, then you may need to consider taking anger management classes or counseling.
Anger management counseling, through a class or workshop, helps you to find healthy ways of expressing the anger that you feel, without it getting to that unpredictable stage. These classes will show you how to channel your anger in a positive way instead of through threats or violence.
By learning good anger management skills, you will learn how to figure out what triggers your anger in the first place. If you know what makes you mad before you even get angry, you will be able to stay away from those things.
Anger management and you…
A good anger management course will also help you to learn techniques that will help to calm you down when you’re already boiling over in anger.
A popular anger management exercise is to close your eyes and think about something else. Sing the lyrics to your favorite song, think about a scene in a funny movie. The point of this exercise is to get your mind off of what made you angry, so you begin to relax and let go of all the tension.
What types of people use anger management?
The types of people that take an anger management program come from all walks of life. But, the two main types of people can be described as: aggressive or passive-aggressive.
Aggressive people tend to be more direct, and in your face. These type of people have short fuses, and are usually predictable.
Then there is the passive-aggressive type. This type is more indirect. They tend to control others with words or the mind, instead of violence. Although, when the mind games don’t work anymore, they can reach the violent stage.
Passive-aggressive people are unpredictable and you never know how they will react. Being around a person of this type can be nerve racking, because you don’t know if they will be violent or if they will let something roll off their back.
Do you need anger management?
Be honest with yourself and see if you can relate to one of the two types. Are you aggressive, snapping at everyone and everything all the time? Or are you passive aggressive and keep your anger bottled up inside?
If you find yourself getting mad all the time, and realize that it’s becoming a regular occurrence, then keep in mind there are things that you can do to manage your anger.
You may find that applying techniques in an anger management book would be helpful for you. Or, taking an anger management class in your area may be best for you.
The most important thing to remember is that with proper anger management, you can live a life free of anger and frustration.
Here you’ll find the latest info about anger and how to manage it… as well as headlines or interesting stories related to anger management, that may be useful to you.
As you can see, this is the first blog post, so it’s pretty bare around here right now… but, it won’t be for long
In the meantime, be sure to visit the homepage here, and pick up a copy of the anger management ebook. It’s a simple step-by-step ebook that will help you lay the groundwork for controlling anger… or to be more specific, controlling your reaction to anger - which in turn, helps you control anger.
